Officials hope that Coach Dungy's soothing voice and calm demeanor prevent further Skyway suicides
ST. PETERSBURG -- Buccaneer fans seeking to jump off the bandwagon while jumping off the Sunshine Skyway Bridge will have the chance to hear a new voice on the crisis phones while they contemplate their final contribution to this universe.
Buccaneer Head Coach Tony Dungy has recorded a message which plays into the three hotline crisis phones located at the highest point of the bridge.
"Hi there, this is Tony Dungy," begins the recording in Dungy's trademark calm and friendly voice. "I know you're probably very upset about the recent losses we've experienced, and I am, too. You know what I do when I get upset? I punch a pillow. Maybe you should try that."
Pinellas Country Emergency Management Services have confirmed that at least twenty individuals have been "talked down" from certain death since the new message has been installed.
"What's been happening is just a breakdown of our fundamentals, and that's something we can easily correct, if we try hard enough," continues Dungy's soothing voice. "Our defense has had lapses, but they've also shown some amazing moments. I'm not concerned about it, really."
"And as for our offense, well, we knew that it would take time to get the hang of a completely new offense. Plus, we're still bringing along a young QB in King, so we just need to have a little patience."
"Don't forget, we were at this point last season and look what happened. Whatever you do, don't jump to conclusions. Don't jump, get it? Ha ha. But seriously..."
"We just have to look forward to our next opportunity to play, and I know that I still want you as a fan of the Bucs if there's anyway that you can possibly bear it. Thank you."