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skyway satire

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01.09.19: St.Pete officials fear Skyway suicide prevention nets would become fuck hammocks.
01.09.19,, by Kyle Ruse
Sunshine Skyway – St. Petersburg – Wednesday, 1.9.2019
As 2018 came to a close so did a record number of caskets from Skyway jumpers.
Pressure has been put on the city for preventative measures, none of which include access to mental health professionals. An array of ideas have been floating around like the corpses in the Bay.
One city official said “We should put veterans at the top with guns that shoot nets, that have a bungee chord attached” many were opposed to putting veterans atop the bridge due to the high number veteran suicides.
An idea has been gaining traction in city hall to install catch nets along the bridge. Most are in favor of the nets, but others feel the could become “Fuck Hammocks” a source close to Tampa News Force stated.
Our sources have told us city officials are worried the nets would become a literal breeding ground. An anonymous source said “We would have people climbing out there to sport fuck within days of completion. This is Florida we can’t have nice things. Nets are a great idea but just won’t work financially. The cleaning and maintenance alone would bleed our budget dry. We’d have to hire a team of highly skilled net cleaners to clean of the bird shit and cum”

New nets being installed along Sunshine Skyway bridge are meant to save people attempting suicide, but many fear they could also double as “Fuck Hammocks”


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