the archive

where old pages retire.

updates are not to be expected.
archive index site map   feel suicidal?
bottom of page  •  contact
 bullshit facebook

la forme skyway de

remise de $1 péages

sorry, french nationals only.

   so you frenchy french person, you want to jump from the bridge and would like to get off cheap. go figure. bunch of rifle droppers. simply send proof (copy of death certificate, mental hospital admission form, or police report) of your jump and you will receive a refund of the $1 toll. ($2 if your gay beret stays on your head after the jump). it's that simple. fill out the form and within a week or so, $1 will be delivered to you. sorry, your fake french francs are worthless here and no exchanges will be made.
$1 bridge toll rebate request form.
form no longer functions

your frenchy name as it appears on the death certificate, 
mental hospital admission form, or police report:  (required)

your mailing address: (required)

your city: (required)

your e-mail address: (required)

your name appearing in the story about your jump is at this web address: optional

when you jumped: (required)
1) did it hurt? no yes yes, but i liked it not sure

2) did it feel like it happened in slow motion? no yes not sure

3) did you scream like a little girl? no yes not sure

4) did you change your mind half way down? no yes not sure

5) did you think for one moment about the traffic mess
you created for others trying to cross the bridge? no

6) did you shit yourself? no yes not sure

7) did you die live not sure

8) now you feel like: (check all that apply)
a bigger total french loser that can't do anything right.
i will aim for the rocks next time.
i will try another way to do myself in.
i will just get drunk next time i get depressed.
nothing. i'm dead.
i will go back to france.

anything else? in english! (optional)
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." -Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." -General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." -Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." -Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" -Jacques Chirac, President of France

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." -Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." -P.J. O'Rourke, 1989

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." -John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French!" -Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" -Jay Leno

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" - Hannibal Lecter

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.

"My favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is the one that says 'First Iraq, then France'." -Tom Brokaw

"France said this week they need more evidence to convince them Saddam is a threat. Yeah, last time France asked for more evidence, it came rolling thru Paris with a German Flag on it." -Dave Letterman

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada. -Ted Nugent

The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.

War without France would be like...uh ...World War II

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army

Q. How do you stop a French tank? A. Shoot the guy pushing.

Q. how many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris? A. We don't know, it's never been tried.

The best French bashing line heard over the last week is: "We can count on the French to be there when they need us."

Why are all the highways in France lined with trees? So the Germans can march in the shade!

archive index  •  top of page
contact  •  site map  feel suicidal?