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Sandra

attempted and assisted suicide,
an opinion on suicide, death, abuse, and insane psychiatry.

updated 10.01.02
09.28.02 - we receive an e-mail from Sandra H.
Dear Phil;
   First of all, I think Rene Barret is one of those self righteous morons who spouts her mouth before she even thinks about what she is saying.
   Secondly, I happen to believe that there is a big difference between someone who sincerely wants to commit suicide, and those that are just screaming for attention. I worked many years in a psychiatric hospital and believe me, most of the people that came in as suicide attempts were not even attempts. They were just people who wanted attention and decided that taking a bottle of aspirin would get them the attention they so craved. One patient even took her dogs medication which of course would not kill anyone. To those that genuinely want to end it, I say, "Go ahead". They are going to do it regardless, and no amount of self righteous spewing is going to stop them. You can lock them up in a psyche ward, but you can't keep them there forever. I saw things that were done to patients there that would make your hair stand on end.....the so called "ECT" or "SHOCK TREATMENTS". I saw them take perfectly coherent patients that were deeply depressed, and not bother to try to talk with them; these so called "physicians" were too busy for that. Just order a series of 10 shock treatments and turn them into a useless pile of quivering flesh that can't even remember their name. Whatever the experts tell you, that it is a "safe form of treatment" is a stinking pack of lies. To fry someone's brain so that they can't remember why they were depressed in the first place, is not an answer to suicide or depression. I believe in a one on one interaction with a qualified professional; a psychologist. Not psychiatrists, as they are just too anxious to shove pills down your throat. I actually had one psychiatrist come in my hospital room, and the first thing out of her mouth was "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PAST, AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW". I sent her packing. I told this broad that in order to understand what was going on with me presently, she would need to know all about my past and if she had no interest in that, she could go take a hike. I spent 15 years as a psychiatric patient with a psychologist who took the time to TALK to me, and who CARED. I made 2 serious attempts at suicide, beginning at the age of 10. But, I don't believe I really wanted to die; just wanted someone to listen and was lucky enough to find someone willing to do just that.
   Lastly, I also believe in suicide for such reasons as a terminal disease such as cancer. Apparently this Rene person has never seen someone die in pieces from cancer. I have. SEVERAL times.....two of my own family members, my mother and my aunt; both died a terrible slow death by cancer. My mother from brain cancer, her sister from Lymphoma. I fully support people like Dr. Kevorkian. I do not believe someone should have to hang on day after day dying in pieces and with NO DIGNITY. I also believe that if a person wishes to stop living, there is nothing we can do about it. Personally, barring terminal illness, I would not support someone killing themselves; however, if they chose to do it, I wouldn't give a damn about it as it was their choice and I would not waste my time grieving over them. Suicide for NO reason; is usually not a true attempt anyway; it is usually just to get attention, and they do get attention; everyone flocks around them giving them just what they wanted. So, they will continue to do this not intending to die, just to get the attention they crave.......and when and if they are successful at it, it is a selfish act. It hurts no one but those left behind. Yet, when one takes a final jump, or a bottle of pills to end their physical suffering from some God-forsaken disease, I say "more power to ya". I would do the same. I refuse to ever live with cancer or anything else that does nothing but strip one of their dignity. If I had had the means, I would have ended my mothers suffering long before she died....as she would have wanted me to do. And, I would not consider it murder either. They do if for dogs, for Christ's sake, why not people? I believe that Euthanasia for people should be legalized.
Anyway, these are just my views on the subject; my own opinions. I don't feel your site is in bad taste, or sick. I just think of it as someone else exercising their rights to free speech which is what America is all about.
Sincerely,
Sandra H.
09.28.02
hello sandra,
   first of all, thank you very much for taking the time to share your story and opinions. we seem to be on the same page as it concerns these issues. 
    i could create a whole different site detailing the absolute horror known as psychiatry. to think that this industry is allowed to exist solely to promote the ever expanding use of mind altering drugs is appalling. from the very young to the very old, they have no conscience in foisting billions of dollars worth of medication and other mind blowing tactics that permanently change and/or destroy one's mental existence. it is my opinion that most of the so called "doctors" have no clue as to what they are doing and justify their existence one way or another, more likely just for the financial gain. there is great wealth to be had in this legal monstrosity known as psychiatry and the drug companies are only too eager to create and promote their wares. what they do to children is criminal and should be dealt with as such. your experiences in working in this field read like a bad movie, yet this is going on everyday, from coast to coast and around the world. 
   i agree with your assessment of the "i want attention" suicides versus the genuine suicide attempt. your opinions on assisted suicide in cases of illness read as if i wrote them. you are right on the money. anyone reading this site will soon learn that i give full support to anyone that truly wants to end their misery, whatever that misery may be.
   i'm sorry that you had to go through what you went through, but it appears you came out of it with a clear thinking mind. suicide is a selfish thing to do. perhaps the ultimate in selfishness. however, being as it is one's own self committing the act, it is an act the surviving friends and family need to accept, even if they never understand. i have had suicide in my family and although i do not understand why he did it, i understand he wanted to do it. in the end, who am i to argue with or dictate to, how one conducts the business of one's self? i have only me to dictate to. everyone else is on their own as to what they do. they can ask me and talk with me, assess my opinion, take or reject my advice, but in the end, it is their choice. if they make the ultimate choice, i wish them luck with whatever they find on the other side. may it be less painful then they had it on this side.
   i thank you again for your input. sometimes venting is all it takes to medicate us. getting it out feels good. please contact me again if you want to talk. sometimes talking truthfully and openly to a stranger that knows nothing about you, gives a perspective free of preconceived fact and/or opinion. 
   i wish you all the happiness you deserve.
phil
09.28.02 - we receive another e-mail from Sandra H.
Dear Phil;
   Thank you for responding to my letter so promptly. It is refreshing to find someone who thinks as I do on this subject. Since I have experience on BOTH sides, I always prided myself on knowing how to answer the stupid shrinks that I was forced to talk to by my md....I didn't mind a psychologist; but I certainly DID mind psychiatrists. They were all alike. I don't believe the answer to depression is in a stupid pill; OR in shock therapy...and about kids....I remember two patients so vividly at the hospital where I worked. One was 15 yo girl, the other was a 16 yo boy. They were siblings. Their parents were BOTH child psychiatrists....and they admitted their kids for SHOCK THERAPY! I could NOT believe it. These kids were so normal when they came in; they were simply going through adolescence; their parents could not, would not, deal with it. They figured, just fry their brains and turn them into zombies and that is exactly what happened. Kelly, the young girl, had developed a good rapport with me; she trusted me. Her brother had gotten close to one of the male aides...and I felt so helpless to stop what was going to happen to them. They were both minors and had no say in their own care. At the end of their shock therapy, Kelly no longer remembered WHO I was, let alone my name. Her brother John was the same way. It made me sick. I can only hope their parents rot in hell for what they did to those kids. You would think they would have taken the time to deal with their own flesh and blood by talking with them; adolescence is a tough thing to deal with, but it does in no way warrant shock therapy!
   I have never been able to have my own children, so have always felt close to other people's kids. The reason I can't have kids is due to horrendous child abuse inflicted by a sick, alcoholic mother that made sure I could never bear children. I can get pregnant, but can't carry beyond 8 weeks and have lost 9 babies; the first was a set of twins. Even when she was dying of cancer, I felt so bad to see her suffer for so long dying in pieces, but had no means to help as she wanted. I took care of her here at home, but didn't have the means to do as she wished. How I wish I had been able to get a hold of Dr. Kevorkian then!
   My sister has a close friend who lost her husband to suicide. He was in terrible pain from a debilitating disease and he jumped off the Coronado Bridge in California which is how I found your site. I told her that I didn't blame the guy. If he had a choice of living for the rest of his days in pain, or ending it, then I didn't blame him for ending it. The md's could do nothing for him anymore. He took the only way out he had.
   The psychologist I saw for 15 years was a really cool guy; he knew how I felt; and he validated my feelings....I was very lucky to find him....
Good talking to you too.
Sandra
10.01.02
hello sandra,
   i am impressed with your ability to see things with what seems to be a very clear mind. i have been involved with counseling only in the capacity with marriage problems. the first session went quickly into "so phil, why are you depressed?". i answered that i wasn't depressed like i need to focus on it, but i was depressed that the marriage was crapping out. i mean, isn't everyone in troubled marriages depressed about it? i do not trust psychiatrists and i am appalled that they can get away with the shit they get away with. i am also appalled at the way parents are so quick to buy into the need to medicate children at the drop of a hat. to take a child and medicate them in a way that will forever alter their minds, simply because they are not towing the line in a way they are expected, but rather simply doing the things children do at whatever age they happen to be. kids misbehave. we all did. they act like kids because they are kids. i have friends that medicate their kids and the kids are not the same ever after. yet let me give a kid a joint and get him high and watch me go to jail and be in the news for it. i am willing to bet the pot would effect their heads in a far less permanent manner then the psychoactive drugs parents shove down their throats legally. please note, i do not advocate the dispensing of pot to kids. i just used pot as an example of an illegal drug and the consequences of it's use with minors as compared to the vast use of more powerful drugs prescribed legally to minors, simply because some idiot psychiatrist thinks it's in the best interest of the child. bullshit! the use of shock therapy on a minor is unthinkable. it's so wrong, i don't even want to start a diatribe on the subject.
   i am sorry you were never able to have your own children. i have been lucky to have the two most beautiful daughters in the world (it's true, check it out in the guinness book) and there would be zero chance of me allowing them to see a psychiatrist, much less take meds for some crap ailment they supposedly have. your tale of abuse makes me ill. i am proud to never had laid a hand on either of my girls. anyone that abuses a child needs to have that child removed from their custody.
   again, thank you for sharing your life's story. maybe it will help someone to see they are not alone. please write again if you wish to communicate further.
phil

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