Katy, australiaupdated 04.15.03
from the tag board: crazykate: I was too close to jumping
of the Westage Bridge in Melbourne tonight, i got thier and freaked out and
turned around, what is wrong with me????
04.01.03, katy enters a jumper guess and comment: Crazykaty, Australia, searched for death by jumping off a bridge stats. scary, ill do it one day
04.01.03, hello katy, were you serious about wanting to jump off your local bridge? why? want to talk about it without me hassling you about it? phil
04.02.03, katy responds: Hi Phil, yes i was serious and i came very close to doing it last night and had a panic attack and freaked out. I dont know when ill go up thier again but i know that i will. iTs the westgate bridge...BIG ONE in Melbourne VIC Australia. Its known for heaps of jumpers.
Why??? im just had enough of life, maybe thats a seflish thing to say, but i had bordeline perosnality dissorder and deppression and am struggling to see the other side of life.
thanks for caring, Katy - crazykate
04.02.03, katy, please don't do anything harmful to yourself. tell me what drives you to self destruction. we all have mental disorders to some extent. we deal with them. how old are you? is your current mental state a result of a relationship problem? i do care, phil
04.04.03 katy: Hi Phil, thanks for caring it means alot to me, really it does. My mentall dissorders are genetic or based on my brain chemistry. My dad too has depression and my autie schizophrenia so silly me is stuck with other stuff too. What drives me to self destruction, geez i have no idea. I am insane, i am impulsive and it is just something that i have to do. Thier are three thing in my life that i said to myself that i had too achieve before i jumped, One: To finish high school and get into a uni degree - Done that, Two: to Bungee Jump (see not scared of hights, i could easily jump) Done that.... Three: To see my neice Chelsy be born and see her grow for a little while, she is now three months and a darling darling baby and i have done so much with her so that is done to.
Suicide i know will have an effect on so many people, but really i want to end my own pain, yes i am going to hurt people, thier was a suicide down th road from me last week and that has hurt a lot ofpeople and i know that this is going to hurt me too, but people dont realise the pain that i am going through. I am hurting so much deep inside it is not fair for me to keep on living. I am scared yes,, but i am so scared of living rather than dying, dying seems a peacefull easy option.
sorry to burden you, crazykate - katy
04.04.03, katy, i do care. it pains me to know there is someone out there that reaches out to me and that they may just end their life. you are not the first to do so through my website, but i hope you are the last. darcy is a girl that sounds just like you in that regard. you can read her story here. i created a section on the jumperpool that is not available to the general public, but i offer it to you. read her story. she seems happier now and is making life work.
far be it for me to tell you that you are crazy for wanting to end your life, as you already told me that. i too have been depressed, but never so much to wish to end my life. in the end, the battle over depressing times seems to just make me stronger. making and working on my websites is a great distraction and i enjoy it.
please don't let your niece chelsy grow up without you in her life. be the aunt that fought and won over mental illness. your life with her will never be done.
you will never burden me with your story. i do care.
i am not done with you yet, phil
04.05.03, katy: Hi Phil, thanks again for the reply, it shows that you do care and it is odd to me that you do since your on the other side of the world and probably have never seen the westgate bridge but im sure you know that it is a high one for suicides. And it is "high" I drove over it today, a couple of times, slowed right down just to get a test for were the best spot might be i tyhink, honestly i dont know, so many things are going wrong yet so many right at the same time, its just insane, hey thats me!
I tried to take my life yesterday took alot of panadol and didnt tell anyone so ive been sick all day, last time i did that i was in hospital for a few days then transfered to a psyc unit for 3 weeks. And i just wanted to end it this time so i decided not to chicken out and not to tell a soul, i think the reason that it failed is becasuse i didnt take more than last time i took the same and that just poisened my liver...i couldnt take more i was angry at myself cause i was physically having trouble swallowing them all, it was horrible.
But i feel ok at the moment, i am babysitting a friends son tonight so trying my best to keep my cool and look after him, not me. I had some good news today, i dont know if i told you but i work full time as a manager at Hungry Jacks (Burger King) i am a trainee and i got promoted today, but thats a good thing right, well you see the thing is that i have to change stores and leave all my new friends and stuff, its been great with these guys the last month, i want to stay thier. I have just got of the phone with my restraunt manager and shes assurted me that im going thier cause im the best canbdididate for the position and its nothing bad at all, but i just cant keep crying about it, i am leaving somewere that i am comfortable, i am not too good with constant change like this, my job is so stressfull i work 50hr weeks with no overtime and i am also studying full time off campus university. I dont have the time to aclimatize with change. I am so uypset at this and when they told me today i had the meeting with my manager and the new manager and they sat me down adn told me how good i was doing and that i was moving, its sunday today and im moving on Tuesday. I hate the thought, my emidiate reaction was to cry, i held it in for the time off the meeting and that was good but as soon as it ended i went straight to the bathroom and cried my eyes out for ten minutes, the manager just left me she knew that i was upset, and i think thats why she just rang me to clarify it all with me that its a good thing. Shes sad that im not happy about it but she thinks that i can do good for the store, like get thier D-Thru times down and that sort off stuff. i know that i can do it to but it all seems to hard, so straight after work, i drove over the bridge before i came to babysit. i didnt tottaly stop but i was close and cars were beeping all around me, im so scared of all this change ive goit that to deal with and uni exams comming up and all my essays to do, and then thiers my issues with the depression and stuff like that. In that regard i have become very slack i have stopped taking my medication all the time, i just sort off take it whenever i havnt seen my pssyciatrist for 8 weeks and im supposed to see him once every 1-2weeks, he keeps calling me but i dont answer the calls. So i know that that wont be doing me any good at all, i know that i need to take my meds properly for them to work, but at the moment i just dont care, im thinking so i9rational, i said goodbye to all my friends yesterday (net friends this is, not work) and by goodbnye i meant forever, but they didnt know that. Imscared of it yes.....
I rang my psychologist on Wednseday night cause i was scared and she called me backj on thursday but i was to scared to take the call so she left me a message and then i rang her again on Friday and left another message and she tried to call me but i blocked the call, i dont know what is wrong with me i want the help, i think, well i must be calling her for some reason but whyenever she calls i hang up or i dont know what to say, or something goes wrong and i go silent...i tell her things are fine, but they are not so i dont know what to say really. its not fair i hate it, what do i say to her, what do i do, i am scared to live and i am scared of my life now.
Sometimes i think that i would love to stand on the edge of the bridge and let them stop me and then commit me involuntrally cause i know then that i wouldnt have a say in it and then they would help me to the best that they know, i have been involuntry once when i was psychotic and tried to kill my brother and then myself, my psyc saw that and commited me and i lied through my teeth to get out of thier but now i know that maybe if i had off let them help me then i would not be were i am right now.
WOW im babbling tonight and i dont know why, i suppose maybe its becauxze i dont have any friends to splert this out to since i blocked them all of my messanger, i dont know what to do aynmore. I cant see life getting any better at the moment i cant see it improving, all this change, all this stuff its like argh and i dont know what to do anymore,
Im so so so so so sorry that this is so long if youve got to hear you have done well listning to my shit, its amazing, hey! how much does a crazy girl balbber on. sorry, Katy
04.06.03, katy hits the tag board again: crazykate: skyway...i wish that i was thier id jump today
04.07.03, katy enters a jumper guess and comment: Crazykate, Australia, I can tell you this is not a prediction this is FACT, except im sorry to ssay that it wont be of the skyway, it will be of the Westgate Bridge in Melbourne...Tuesday april 15th, in the eraly hours of the morning,...keep note in the Aussie papers and stats, but im sure they will do thier best to kepp it quiet. BYE ALL, thanks for the site
darcy responds to katy's 04.06 tag board post: Darcy: Id rather feel the pain of dieing then the pain of living ANYDAY.
katy responds to darcy's tag board post: crazykate: im with you thier darcy. I wanna jump NOW..shame mums taken my car keys...can u start a Westgate Pole, id be your first ????
katy continues on the tag board:"i just wanna fly, far far far away, fly from the sky, just wanna fly....i will fly, YES im going to fly
jumperpool: darcy and katy. instead of helping each other end your own lives using this forum, why don't you both e-mail each other and try to get through your suicidal tendencies.
darcy responds to our tag board post: darcy: i dont know crazykates email addy...mine is [withheld]
04.11.03, katy, i hope this finds you well. i told you about a girl named darcy that is spookily just like you in the way she wants to end her life. my observation from the way both you contacted me through the jumperpool and the e-mails, makes me think you two might communicate.
darcy has reached out to you using the tagboard on the jumperpool home page. i deleted it, as i think it not wise for her e-mail address to be posted so publicly. i honor the privacy of all jumperpool visitors. being as she posted it to you, i sent it. here is what she posted: darcy: i dont know crazykates email addy...mine is [withheld]
katy continues on the tag board: crazykaty: darcy...i have emailed you, please reply. I have been locked in a psyc ward for being on the bridge,...grr..it was such a rush, cant wait to do it again!
04.14.03, darcy responds to katy's tag board post: darcy: sorry katy to hear about that...are you in the outback or something? my email is broken...you have to instant message me. my aol instant messanger screen name is "PumpkinDarcy"
|*disclaimer: all comments contained on this page are unsolicited and are submitted by darcy without edits. (any and all responses to said comments are ours.)|
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